| How do I even begin? From which end do I start and from which side do share my secrets?
I, like many people in this world, live a life where we dream of a “perfect” family. Truth is... there is no such thing. There will never be that “perfect” family. But that’s only human of us, to seek this perfection—even though we know no one can achieve it. But getting close to that perfection seems to drive us forward. Over the last 20-some years that my parents have been married, my dad has cheated so many times—probably too many for the kids to even know, to remember, and to want to keep in our memories. Father has a commitment problem. You don't like to see things other people’s way. And he is a total hypocrite. He goes around telling everyone to do things a certain way, especially when it’s the same situation he’s in: cheating. He tells them, just go back to your marriage and work things out, and he lectures about keeping a family together, and about how important it is for the parents to stick it out together. Thanks dad, for betraying your family with your own words. You say you are understanding, and you try hard—but I’m sorry to say, that you are the worst person to ever come for advice. Because of your selfishness in life, your children are so messed up. Thanks for telling us, that the only reason you’re staying in this life with us, is for the children. I know… you don’t love us as you always said you do. I’m sure you will find happiness in some other woman’s arm and her kids. Mom—you need to express yourself more often. Stop keeping in all the emotions that bother you. I’m so sad and sick and tired of hearing how you want to end your life because you can’t take the emotional pain anymore. You need to stick up for yourself. I understand you, when you say you just want your children to have father and mother figure in the household. But what use does it make when the ma and the pa always argue, saying how unhappy and better off they would be apart? You need to stop giving this jerk chances. Isn’t twice or three time already enough? But more than that and you’re still catering to his every need. I know it’s hard to let go of someone you’ve been married to since you were 14. But you haven’t loved yet Mom. Just because he may be your first love doesn’t mean it will end. You’ve become blind and don’t see that you have all of us kids here, who love you more than anything in this world. Because in a child’s eye, mother is God. Please, once in your life, think about your happiness. Because when you aren’t happy, we aren’t happy. I guess this is the so called “perfect” family I was always dreaming of. The one that almost lost the life of the only daughter to leukemia, the family that I thought was so strong in times like this, only to find that everyone is so selfish. Sure, my sister is a cancer survivor, but she can never get life insurance and is limited to so many other things as well. Just recently, my brother was put on hold at the probation and parole office cell for dishonesty with his relationship with my sister-in-law. What great choices you are taking, lying to your probation officer about your relationship. I don’t even know if you’re going to finish tech and go on living your own life. I’m more worried about your future than my own. And you, his twin brother, caught disturbing a neighborhood, awaiting trial, and possibly the chance of going to jail. You keep telling everyone you will change for the better. 21 years is a long time, and this isn’t the first time you’ve got in trouble either. I would be thinking maybe you’d learn to hang out with a different group of people and friends; meanwhile you keep doing the same things you do, drink like a crazy drunk. Just because you can’t go back to college for another year doesn’t mean screwing up and giving everyone else a hell of a lifetime. Please, this family’s got too much to worry about. But you are making a change, and living with sister—please pay off your $800 fine soon. Remember, you were once married to someone who restricted you from your very own freedom, now you have it back, please use caution. 2nd youngest brother, you are too short tempered sometimes. You need to share and not be so selfish at times, even when it comes to a bag of chips, chocolates, or even playing on a game system. Sure, you’re nice and you can be sweet at times, but everyone has flaws I guess. One thing I didn’t appreciate seeing was all those cuts from the wrist to the elbow just because you were jealous of me. I had to work hard for attention, and to get all the things mom and dad got me. But that doesn’t mean you cut yourself with a pocket knife in such great lines from your wrist to where your elbow starts. I’m just glad those scars are gone compared to my cuts. Just two more years ‘til you graduate, please behave yourself. Little brother… I don’t even know where to start. I understand your pain and your anger. But cool off a bit. You yell and scream a little too loud. Maybe you get that from me. But I’ve learned to keep my anger and cool off so much more. But you’re still young. Next year you’ll be a sophomore in high school. I know how much suicide sounds like it’s the answer. But trust me—you don’t want to go through the hell I went through to finally decide to live. You are clever, inventing your own cigarettes to cope with stress. Pure printing paper and dried leaves. Any way of smoking is bad for your health. You’ve still got a lot to learn. I am sorry—for everyone’s cruel comments. Though we all say we just want you to do well, our encouragements don’t even come close. Then there’s me. The middle child, the one who sees everything and can’t really do anything about it and but hang out in the background. Yes, I’ve been suicidal. I’ve cut my wrists, carved my right arm with initials of those who I’ve loved. Foolish I know. Contemplated death so many times. Feared death at the age of 8, and cried so many times. I had to work myself up the scale for attention from you, Mom and Dad. And your worst nightmare—your son is in love with another guy. |
